Madly In Love With Me Day

What the day is

Madly in Love with Me Day is observed on February 13, immediately before Valentine's Day, and asks for the affection to be directed inward.

Origin and background

The origin of the observance is not documented. The psychology has moved in a direction worth knowing, because the obvious interpretation of the day is the weaker one.

Self-esteem was the dominant concept for decades, and programs built on raising it were widely adopted in schools. Reviews of that work were unflattering: high self-esteem turned out to be a consequence of doing well rather than a cause, and efforts to inflate it produced little benefit. It also has a structural problem. Self-esteem depends on evaluating yourself positively, which means it requires comparing favorably with others and tends to collapse precisely when you fail, which is when it would be useful.

Self-compassion is the alternative that has held up better. It involves treating yourself in failure roughly as you would treat a friend in the same position, recognizing that the experience is common rather than a personal defect, and acknowledging what happened without either wallowing or dismissing it. Crucially it requires no favorable comparison, so it does not fail when you do.

The evidence associates it with lower anxiety and depression and, contrary to the usual objection, with more motivation rather than less. People high in self-compassion are generally more willing to admit mistakes and try again, because the cost of admitting one is lower.

The practical test is simple and uncomfortable: notice how you speak to yourself after a mistake, and ask whether you would say it aloud to someone you liked.

How to take part

• Notice your internal commentary after a mistake today, without changing it yet.
• Ask what you would say to a friend in the same position, and say that instead.
• Skip the comparison. Self-worth built on ranking is unstable by design.
• Do one thing you enjoy that nobody else will know about.
• Treat February 14 as optional rather than as a verdict.